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It started out as any other spring, Sabbath morning. The birds chirping
outside our window, the warm breeze
lifting the curtains, the sky a rosy glow as the
night gave way to the glories of a
new day. A perfect day. The Sabbath.
We had started on our
breakfast when it hit me, and froze me in place. Today was the day before Mother’s
Day. Today they would honor the mothers
at church. I took a deep breath, and my husband, Greg, looked at me quizzically
across the table. “What’s wrong,
sweetie?”
I sighed again as I tried to
answer. He reached over and gently took my hand. “Is it because today is the Mother’s
Day program at church?” I nodded, not sure how to express how I felt. But he
already knew. We’d been traveling on this journey for several years. This dream
of a baby to hold and love, a little one of laughter and light, a son or a
daughter to treasure and teach. We’d faced Mother’s
Day’s before, but always with the
hope, the dream, of maybe this time next year. . . But this
particular Mother’s Day was
different.
Greg and I held hands on our
short drive to church, as if, somehow, we could gather
strength from each other to make it
through the day. We greeted our
church family with smiles and handshakes and warm hugs, trying to focus on others instead of ourselves. The morning passed
quickly and all too soon came the
time I had dreaded. The time set aside to honor all the
mothers in our church.
I was in my usual spot at the piano. Several ladies were at the podium with beautiful long stem roses. They were
calling out the mothers in the
congregation. The oldest? The youngest? The one with the
most children? I shut my eyes and tried not to listen, only to have the words of the
doctor replay in my mind like a broken record. Over and over, over and over. It
had been only two months since we had found out. Two months since the last of several doctor visits that had dashed
our hopes and dreams. Two months since those words – infertile, rare - and the
most confusing one - We just don’t know
why. The voice from the lady at the podium broke into my thoughts. “And now, we
would like the children from our
congregation to come up and give these
roses to our mothers.”
I began to play as the mothers
stood and kids came up from all over the
church to pick up a rose for their
mom. As I played, my mind wandered. Unless
you work a miracle, God, I will never be a mother.
Never have the joy of having a
child, of raising one for You. Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to
keep them in check. I looked out
over the congregation and caught the eyes of Greg. Pain was etched in his face. I
knew how deeply he hurt, too. I lost the
battle with my emotions as the tears
spilled over and ran down my face. Carefully turning my head, I shook my hair
over my face so nobody would notice. Obediently, my hands still traveled over the keys, still hit the
right notes, while my heart cried inside. Oh,
Father, why does it hurt so much?
Suddenly, I heard a noise to
my right. A single pink rose was being placed on the
piano. I heard a soft voice say, “My mom said to give you this rose.” The girl
turned and left the platform. “Thanks,”
I whispered after her retreating figure. How like my friend, I thought. She
didn’t know I was hurting today, but she wanted me to know that she cared for
me on this day, of all days, and she sent her daughter up to the piano to give me the
rose. Instantly, I felt God speak to my mind. Not an audible voice, but a
whisper, like a soft caress. Jill, I may
not have given you a child, but I’ve given you a wonderful friend. I love you,
and I want to give you only the best
gifts.
I knew what those gifts were
for me. The gift of a godly, caring husband, of friends and family; the gift of a God who loved me and understood what I
was going through; the gift of a
friend who followed the prompting of
His Spirit and reached out to show me Jesus’ love through the simple gift of a red rose.
Do Greg and I have children
yet? No. Do we ever ask why? Sometimes. But we can rest content in His arms,
knowing that He knows the very best
path for us to travel; that someday, at last, the
pain of a rose will give way to the untold
glories of eternity. Dear friend, I don’t know what painful and thorn-filled
path you’re traveling on today. But know this, our precious Savior does. He’s
traveled it before us. And someday, all the
thorns and thistles here below will be forever plucked off, and all we will
have left is the scent of the rose.
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